Friday the 13th: Ranked

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FRIDAY THE 13TH: RANKED
A deep-dive into Crystal Lake (and an uneven yet extraordinary franchise)
Words by Alex Secilmis
28 June 2024

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We come to this place… for murder. We come to Crystal Lake for revelry, camaraderie, and beheadings. Because we need that, that indescribable feeling of watching a young friend group enjoy some pot, booze, and premarital sex—before Jason cuts them up. Somehow, violence feels good in a place like this.

I’ll drop the Nicole Kidman pastiche and keep it simple. Friday the 13th is a special franchise. It’s scary, goofy, witty, stupid, inspired, hackneyed. Across a sprawling 12 films, you’ll find anything from a foundational slasher (the original) to a wacky space-set sci-fi flick (Jason X). At its worst, it’s a parody of itself—going through the motions of its well-worn formula. But at its best, it’s downright terrifying: a slice of deliciously atmospheric horror mixing thunder, rain, and impending doom.

Friday’s inconsistencies make ranking the films a fascinating enterprise. It’s the rare franchise where my least favourite will definitely be somebody’s winner, and vice-versa. At the very least, we’re all united in loving this unique horror saga in all its gory glory. As the gravedigger in Part VI says: “Some folks have a strange idea of entertainment.”

12. FRIDAY THE 13TH (2009)

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The remake plays out like American Pie feat Jason Voorhees. By centring an unbearably obnoxious friend group and dialling up the male gaze, Friday 2009 is an in-your-face clash of sex and death that loses the Hitchockian/giallo genius of the original. In the end, it’s an effective demonstration of the pitfalls of the Hollywood modern reboot: all the beats are there, just not the substance.

Best kill: Jason’s roasting something over a cosy bonfire. Only, it’s not marshmallows, it’s Amanda (America Olivo) trapped in a sleeping bag.

Best character: Clay Miller. Supernatural has proved time and time again that Jared Padalecki is an all-timer as a leading man in horror. It’s a shame the film squanders those talents.

Worst choice: Mega-douche Trent (Travis Van Winkle) karmically ensures his gruesome end when he tells a girl mid-sex that she has “stupendous tits” and “perfect nipple placement.”

11. JASON X (2001)

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The year is 2455, and Jason is still up to his old tricks. Only this time, Crystal Lake is swapped for a spaceship. Ultimately, Jason X is Friday the 13th trying to do Aliens. Emphasis on the trying. The dialogue is particularly wooden and most of the kills are a bore. Still, the film actually works when it leans into the schlock and self-awareness. I’m of course talking about when the crew distracts Jason with a hologram of two topless lakeside campers who declare in unison: “We love premarital sex!” Bonus points for a David Cronenberg cameo and the Y2K future fashion.

Best kill: Cold-hearted Jason makes Adrienne (Kristi Angus) cold-headed when he freezes her face in liquid nitrogen before smashing it to bits. Her deconstructed face looks like a sea of bloody ice cubes.

Best character: Kay-Em 14 (Lisa Ryder). In typical Friday fashion, we meet the android when she asks her creator (whom she’s crushing on hard) for boobs. Later on, some human-cyborg relations makes Kay-Em so happy she upgrades into an action hero and goes full Milla Jovovich in Resident Evil.

Worst choice: The crew leaves Jason’s defeated, mangled body IN THE RECONSTRUCTION ROOM. You know, the room with special future technology to heal and re-animate people?

10. FRIDAY THE 13 TH: A NEW BEGINNING (1985)

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Jason Voorhees is dead. Or is he? After Part IV promised to be the final chapter, Paramount was quick to revive its lucrative franchise. The result, A New Beginning, is an exceptionally messy movie - wavering awkwardly between whodunnit, comedy, and porno - punctuated by an even messier twist. That is, we’re not dealing with Jason, but a copycat killer. It’s no wonder Part VI retcons this one’s ending.

Best kill: After smoking weed and having sex with her boyfriend al fresco (a deadly combination in this franchise), Tina’s (Deborah Voorhees, no relation) woodland tryst is interrupted by “Jason” and a pair of gardening shears through the eyes.

Best character: Tommy Jarvis. John Shepherd gives a riveting performance as the boy who killed Jason Voorhees. That’s right, riveting. It’s high praise that, in a movie like this, Shepherd absolutely sells Tommy’s mental health struggles. There’s a reason for it too: A New Beginning was cast under a fake title, and Shepherd spent months volunteering at a state mental hospital for what he thought was a very different film.

Worst choice: “Them damn enchiladas!” So exclaims Demon (Miguel A. Núñez Jr.) before hurrying to the bathroom. Unfortunately, he has bigger problems than his upset stomach and gets impaled on the toilet. If only he’d passed on the enchiladas…

9. FRIDAY THE 13TH: PART III (1982)

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Jason gets his hockey mask! As any nerd will point out, most people don’t realise our villains’s signature look isn’t fully realised until this entry. Part III’s other distinguishing feature is it’s in 3D, and the filmmakers have confessed that the 3D effects were a priority above all else during production. Regrettably, we can tell. Bonus points for the spooky disco music in the main titles that has no business being that good.

Best kill: Andy (Jeffrey Rogers) is handstand-walking around the house to get his girlfriend a beer. Jason shows up, machete in hand, and suddenly Andy is doing the splits. As in, his top half has split from the bottom.

Best character: Chuck (David Katims). This bona fide stoner has a memorable game of cat-and-mouse with Jason before meeting a “shocking” end.

Worst choice: The original owner of the hockey mask, incel Shelly (Larry Zerner) stages gory pranks. So no one believes him when his throat is slit for real. It’s curious that Jason gets his mask from a misogynistic “nice guy”, especially when many argue his sex-related killings make him an incel. Real fans will know that Jason is an asexual king who indiscriminately kills all folks who fornicate.

8. FREDDY VS JASON (2003)

As the New Line logo fades in, the eerie, twinkling keys that signal the Springwood slasher blend with Friday’s twisted mantra (ki ki ki ma ma ma). Even for the most cynical horror fan, it’s hard not to get emotional. What follows is a solid crossover, even if it’s more Elm Street than Crystal Lake. There’s a good core cast of sleepless teenagers, and the violent beginning at Nancy Thompson’s former home is a standout sequence. The actual brawl between the horror titans is less interesting, with overlong action set to an aggressive rock soundtrack.

Best kill: After doing the deed, Trey (Jesse Hutch) takes a sip of beer. That’s just too much fun in one night in Jason’s eyes, so the silent killer folds the bed—and Trey’s body with it. He was a rude and stubborn boyfriend in life, but he’s a lot more flexible in death.

Best character: Kia. Kelly Rowland gives a performance equal parts comedic and dramatic which makes Kia one of the better supporting characters in the franchise. Kudos to her for having the guts to call out Freddy’s “Christmas sweater.”

Worst choice: The gang’s pothead Bill breaks away for a spliff. Suddenly, he’s getting high with Freddy Kreuger, who’s basically transformed into the smoking caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland. Suffice to say, it doesn’t end well for Bill.

7. FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VII: THE NEW BLOOD (1988)

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Tina the telekinetic. Part VII shakes things up by giving Jason a supernatural adversary. The casualty of focusing on Tina is the group of horny youngsters is thinly characterised. Like, more than usual. We meet them briefly and they only show up again to have sex and die. However, The New Blood is a winner for its atmosphere and cinematography. The exteriors of the lakeside houses with warmly lit windows are wonderfully moody. Plus, Jason has never looked this good: a stylish zombie both in full costume and unmasked. Director John Carl Buechler made his name as a special make-up effects artist, and it shows.

Best kill: The sleeping bag slam. Jason picks Jane (Staci Greason) up and kills her with one thunk against a tree.

Best character: Tina. Lar Park Lincoln plays a fierce final girl with mind powers and an interesting backstory, shackled by the guilt of accidentally killing her abusive father.

Worst choice: Tina assumes that dropping a porch roof on Jason has killed him for good. I mean, I could have survived that.

6. FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VIII: JASON TAKES MANHATTAN (1989)

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Time for my first truly hot take: I do not mind that Jason Takes Manhattan does not feature much taking of Manhattan. This one comes under fire for our beloved executioner not reaching New York City until the film’s last half hour, but I don’t care. I love Jason killing kids on a boat. The first hour of Part VIII is Friday’s version of Dracula on the Demeter, where here he’s crashing a high school graduation trip to NYC. It’s as tense and fun as you’d hope.

Best kill: Jason Newston (David Jacox) is relaxing in a sauna—how did a high school afford this outrageously luxurious boat? Then, his namesake walks in and rams a hot stone into his chest.
Honourable mention: When Jason axes J.J. (Saffron Henderson) with her own electric guitar. Way to rock the boat.

Best character: Jason Voorhees. Part VIII is starved for likeable characters, so it’s fun to watch our murderer of few words work his way through the party boat. He also looks super cool wandering around the Big Apple.

Worst choice: Although he’s clearly not doing any damage, Julius (V.C. Dupree) decides to throw punches at Jason for over a minute straight. Jason responds with a right hook so strong it decapitates the poor kid. He really lost his head.

5. FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE FINAL CHAPTER (1984)

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A popular pick for best of the series, The Final Chapter was of course not so final. This is probably the quintessential Friday the 13th film. There’s skinny-dipping, a rain-soaked Crystal Lake setting, and a well-defined friend group. Plus, Jason’s got his hockey mask. I also appreciate the exploration of voyeurism as a potentially fatal pleasure: from a peeping Tommy Jarvis to Axel (Bruce Mahler) and Ted’s (Lawrence Monoson) love of aerobics videos and stag films respectively. Bonus points for Crispin Glover’s glorious spasmodic dancing.

Best kill: Pardon my French, but Paul (Alan Hayes) getting harpooned through the dick.

Best character: Tommy Jarvis (Corey Feldman). The character’s second win on this list, little Tommy handcrafts some awesome monster masks. He also has the wits to shave his head and spook Jason with a (sort of) mirror image of his childhood self. Oh yeah, and he actually kills Jason Voorhees.

Worst choice: Trying to get it on in a morgue next to Jason’s “dead” body. I know the macabre puts many in the mood, but c’mon now.

4. JASON GOES TO HELL: THE FINAL FRIDAY (1993)

Surprise! I hope you can handle the jump scare. Well, this is certainly my hottest take on the list. While considered Friday’s nadir by most fans, I love Jason Goes to Hell for its fresh take on the franchise, gnarly practical effects, and sheer unpredictability. In a series famed for a hard-set formula where everyone dies, the ninth film’s fluid narrative automatically sets it apart. It catches you off-guard with a stellar opening scene, where a Crystal Lake victim turns out to be an FBI agent. She lures Jason into the woods where a firing squad blows him to pieces, and she does it all barefoot in a bath towel (somebody needs a raise).

Best kill: In this one, Jason possesses. When he discards the skin of a policeman, his former vessel melts to death. Like ripping stretchy cheese off a pizza, his jaw detaches from his face and ends up on the floor—along with the audience’s.

Best character: Lizard Jason. Between bodies, Jason’s evil spirit manifests as a freaky little scuttling creature like something out of Alien.

Worst choice: Vicki (Allison Smith) leaves baby Stephanie in a box on the edge of a counter. Even if Jason weren’t out to kill this kid, she’d be in real danger. Seriously, one false move and that baby is dead.

3. FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VI: JASON LIVES (1986)

Jason Voorhees, you were missed. Fans made their voices heard after A New Beginning, and plans to make Tommy Jarvis the new villain were scrapped in favour of some Frankenstein shenanigans. Thank goodness. Where The Final Chapter was the quintessential 80s slasher, Jason Lives reinvents the franchise as a fun, self-aware horror action-comedy. The tone is set right from the jump in a deliciously gothic resurrection scene that ends with a James Bond parody for the main titles. 007’s turn-and-shoot is replaced by a turn-and-slash from Mr Voorhees. It’s pretty stunning stuff.

Best kill: Nikki (Darcy DeMoss) sends her boyfriend Cort (Tom Fridley) outside to plug the vehicle’s cord back in (guess who unplugged it). The tension is thick as we wonder when Jason will get them, but the lovebirds drive off—with a mass-murderer on board. Nikki gets her face smashed through a wall and Cort gets a knife in the head.

Best character: Megan (Jennifer Cooke). We meet this final girl at the start of the film, knowing her only as the sheriff’s daughter who’s unreasonably horny for Tommy. She turns out to be a cunning, fearless action hero who takes down Jason in the end.

Worst choice: This is an easy one. A determined Tommy really wants to make sure that Jason’s dead. So he stabs the maggot-covered corpse with what a becomes a lighting rod to re-animate Jason. Talk about poor execution.

2. FRIDAY THE 13TH (1980)

I’ve spent a lot of this list singing the praises of one Jason Voorhees, but the horror icon isn’t the villain in the movie that started it all. He may elevate the many sequels, but it’s funny that the famous hockey mask is nowhere to be seen in my top two. The original Friday the 13th is much more grounded than most of what follows—and it’s much scarier. It takes the killer POV concept found in Black Christmas and Halloween (the film it was modelled after) and applies it to a group of camp counsellors settling into their cabins. There’s no backstory to worry about, they’re just young adults who go swimming, have sex, smoke weed, and awkwardly play strip monopoly. With little moments of fun and vulnerability, it’s a generally relatable portrait of the simple pleasures of youth. That’s what makes the gaze of the hidden voyeur (whom we’re very much complicit with) so horrific and thrilling. It’s the fundamentals done right.

Best kill: Before Footloose, Apollo 13, and Mystic River, Kevin Bacon was the first teen in Friday the 13th to have sex and die. Jack and Marcie (Jeannine Taylor) have a tender candlelit love scene made terrifying by a slow tilt upwards to reveal a dead Ned (Mark Nelson) in the top bunk. Unlike the exaggerated erotica in later films that veer towards porn (see the remake), the moment is real and romantic. Consequently, the arrow through Jack’s throat after he savours a post-sex joint is all the more alarming.

Best character: Pamela Voorhees. As a short middle-aged woman in a knit sweater, Jason’s mom isn’t as visually arresting as monsters like Freddy Kreuger. But Betsy Palmer makes her a fright to behold, as a crazed mother killing for revenge.

Worst choice: After hearing a young boy’s voice, Brenda interrupts a cosy reading session to go out in the rain in her nightgown. No umbrella, no coat, nothing. She could have wrangled her friends to investigate, but instead she becomes target practice on the archery field for Pamela.

1. FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2 (1981)

At the top of my list is the rare sequel that outdoes a classic original. Firstly, it has a rock solid premise. Where Part 1 sees a mother avenging her son, Part 2 reverses it and introduces us to Jason Voorhees (he never really died! Or he’s a supernatural figure? It’s complicated, but that’s for another article). This time there’s the clever framework of a training program for camp counsellors, so now the kids are shacked up in the beautiful Packanack Lodge overlooking Crystal Lake. There’s a lot of time fleshing out the characters, moody moonlit scenery, and healthy levels of downpour. All in all, the sophomore effort doubles down on what made the first one work. Jason may not have finalised his fashion choices - he’s in overalls and has a burlap sack for a mask - but it’s still a hell of an outing for his first killing spree.

Best kill: Sandra (Marta Kober) and Jeff (Bill Randoplh) are sharing a private moment when, with a less pleasant kind of thrust, Jason sticks a spear through both of them. A touching moment of connection.

Best character: Ginny (Amy Steel). An exceptionally smart final girl, Ginny subdues Jason by donning his mother’s sweater and imitating the dead Pamela. At the end of the day, he’s just a guy with really bad mommy issues.

Worst choice: We have the franchise’s first skinny-dip. As the rules state, things rarely go swimmingly after such an excursion, but Terry’s (Kirsten Baker) choice is extra stupid. She goes alone, at night! Terry’s lucky not to drown, let alone get offed by Jason.